Author: Average Jane

  • Average Jane Makes An Ugly Sweater

    Disclosure: I received free craft and drink materials related to this post but was not otherwise compensated and all opinions are my own.

    Like a lot of bloggers who have been around since the early days, I get quite a few PR pitches every week. The majority of them are either irrelevant to the focus of my blog or generally not of interest, but occasionally I get a really good one and I'm happy to participate.

    In this instance, it was an email with the subject line, "Special Invitation – #ItsGoingToGetUgly This Holiday Season With Maker's Mark!" Well, that was certainly intriguing! Take note, budding PR professionals: the subject line is vitally important for blogger pitches. If you don't catch me there, chances are I won't even read the email.

    The message went on to invite me to a Maker’s Mark DIY Ugly Sweater Party in the form of a webinar on a particular evening and asked me to send my address and sweater size if I'd like to participate. I assumed they would be sending alcohol, so I provided my work address because my home state gets snippy about that kind of thing.

    The day of the webinar, this is what arrived:

    Maker's Mark crafting and drinking kit

    • 1.75 liter bottle of Maker's Mark in a novelty box that disguised it as a fruitcake
    • A little sweater for the bottle (apparently a sought-after collectors' item)
    • Bottle of Angostura bitters
    • Small bottle of orange liqueur
    • Small bottle of organic Crown Maple syrup
    • Packet of hot chocolate mix
    • Tiny jar of edible glitter
    • Three small cookie cutters for making fancy orange peel drink garnishes
    • A plain white sweater in my size
    • LED battery-operated light set
    • Fabric glue
    • A bag full of different kinds of fabric trim, sequins, patches, etc. 
    • Small sewing kit with already threaded needles (which was a genius idea for people who would probably be crafting while drinking)

    That was pretty impressive and definitely ramped up the excitement for the webinar. 

    At the proper time in the evening, I lined up all my drink ingredients, including the warm milk, whipped cream and orange that had been cited as the only items not in the kit, and logged into the webinar.

    Lining up the ingredients

    The hosts were New York mixologist Pamela Wiznitzer and celebrity fashion stylist Quentin Cortez Owens. She walked us through the preparation of drinks while he worked on a sweater and offered tips for personalizing them and, most importantly, adding the LED lights (which I haven't done yet).

    The first recipe was a Maple Old Fashioned, made with the organic maple syrup instead of simple syrup, Angostura bitters, Maker's Mark (of course) and an orange peel cut into the shape of an evergreen. My shot glass-sized measuring cup has most of the measurements worn off, so I think I made mine a little weak, but it tasted great.

    Ugly sweater in progress

    With that drink beside me, I was ready to tackle the sweater decorating. I hadn't given enough thought to how that was going to proceed beforehand, so I had to scramble to set up my card table as the webinar progressed in the background. I got caught up and had my sweater nicely in progress before we prepared the second drink, an orange bourbon hot chocolate. I made mine with almond milk, but I went ahead and took a chance on real whipped cream. It was sprinkled with edible glitter, naturally.

    Orange Bourbon Hot Chocolate

    The hosts were very personable and there was a lot of fun interaction between the participants within the hosting application and on Twitter with the hashtag #ItsGoingToGetUgly, although one person tweeted, accurately I thought, "so… @makersmark may have overestimated my ability to tweet, craft and drink at same time." Still, during the span of the webinar I managed to get my sweater done and finish both my drinks. 

    My ugly sweater

    It was quite an elaborate program, but it went flawlessly and was a lot of fun. It inspired me to sign up for the Maker's Mark Ambassador Program, which will obviously lead me to a long-term relationship with the brand I would not otherwise have had.

    Big thumbs-up to Evins Communications for the great job they did coming up with the program. I love to see blogger programs done right!

  • Average Jane Cleans House

    Over the past couple of months I've been taking a look at things that are bothering me about my life that would be easy to change. Among them was the terrible state of two rooms in our house that belong to me: my office and my dressing room.

    Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I tackled my office and made significant progress getting it tidied up. I still have two big stacks of papers to deal with and I should probably clean out all the file drawers, too, but I've freed up a lot of floor space and made a spot for Kaylee to sit and look out the window, so I consider that a big win.

    Yesterday I targeted my dressing room. In fact, I took before and after photos. Here was the view from the front door:

    My messy dressing room before I started cleaning

    That suitcase on the floor? Yep, it had been there since my trip to Sweden in September. The cardboard boxes are Christmas gifts. The junk all over the bookcase and jewelry cabinet had been accumulating since 2010, according to the dates on documents in the lower strata (the top of the dresser to the left had a similar accumulation). And, as you can see, I'd also gotten pretty lax about putting away shoes and clean clothes.

    Here's a peek at the state of my game shelves before I started:

    Disorganized game shelves

    Beyond the haphazard arrangement of the games, keep in mind that everything was covered with a thick layer of dust. Here's what the top shelf and dresser top looked like:

    Stuff piled everywhere

    So, I jumped in and started putting laundry and shoes away. I also started a bag for clothes and shoes to give away at the next clothing exchange party I attend.

    I took piles of stuff off every surface and examined each piece to determine whether it needed to be thrown away, shredded, taken up to my office (I know!) or tidied away in the room. I now have a little jewelry box full of thumb drives.

    All of the Christmas gifts I've purchased went into a big bag so I could look at them in one place and make sure I actually have enough for everyone. I meant to wrap them all, but it was too late and I was too tired by the time I finished cleaning.

    I took down all of the framed photos from my high shelves and dusted them thoroughly. That's something that hasn't been done since the last time I painted the room. I can't remember exactly when that was, but it was 2006 or before. 

    I'm not gonna lie—it was a horrible project. I kept wandering away and having to force myself to go back and keep going. I went through a zillion Swiffer duster cloths and it took almost every clothes hanger I own to hang up all my t-shirts and jeans at once.

    Finally I finished tidying and mopped the floor. I still need to clean out all the drawers and the small closet, but the visible part looks better than it has in a very long time.

    This room...is CLEAN!

    Here's how my game shelf came out. Notice how much darker the room is in the "after" photo. This took a long time.

    Tidy game shelf

    There weren't that many surprises hidden in the room, but I did run across my favorite stuffed animal from childhood. Meet Koala Bear:

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    When I was about three, my parents brought him back for me after they went on a trip and left me with my grandparents. After stuffing started leaking out, my mother patched his left ear with a random piece of fabric that had been in our barn. Once his eyes and nose disappeared, there wasn't much more to be done. He lives in a little wicker purse that fits him perfectly. I dusted it carefully and put it back on the shelf.

    The other thing I found that made me do a happy dance and fist pump was an extra pair of fresh contact lenses. That means I can put off a trip to the eye doctor until after Christmas, which my budget will appreciate.

    Say what you will about feng shui, but it really does make a difference to clean out a couple of terrible, cluttered rooms. It's one fewer thing I have to worry about and it just makes using the rooms so much more pleasant and hassle-free.

    Next on the agenda: cleaning the rest of the house and decorating for the holidays. I'm ready!

  • Average Jane and the Bargain Aisle

    I find myself fascinated with the half aisle of my grocery store that they refer to as the "Dollar Store." It's full of random food items that they can afford to sell for a dollar or less, but everything is weird.

    There are products with tie-ins to D-list celebrities (and yes, I know Walmart carries Larry the Cable Guy food items as well):

    Larry the Cable Guy hamburger dinner & mac and cheese

    Items that are oddly specific:

    Fuji Apple Preserves

    Brands that are apparently from other parts of the country:

    Daddy Ray's Strawberry Bars

    Whatever this is:

    Peace Tea

    And extremely old brands that I had no idea still existed:

    White Rock Seltzer

    I can't help but wonder what quirk of logistics causes these items to be available outside their usual market areas and displayed for sale in my suburban Kansas grocery store. For a dollar, maybe someday I'll even buy some of them.

  • Average Jane, Podcast Guest

    The Shakes Episode 30 - White Hot Cat Lady

    Last week I was the guest on The Shakes podcast. This week it's up on Soundcloud for your listening pleasure(?).

  • Average Jane’s Thanksgiving Recipes

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Guess what I’m making for Thanksgiving this year? Restaurant reservations! In fact, that’s already done and out of the way. Ahhhh…

    However, if YOU are cooking and you could use some help with the basics, please feel free to download my Thanksgiving recipe booklet. It’ll walk you through the whole turkey, dressing and gravy thing and also provide recipes for other classic side dishes including:

    I’ll still be making a pumpkin pie or two despite my refusal to host a dinner this year. Heck, that may happen tonight.

    One of these days I’ll update the booklet and try my hand at adding nice photos and stuff, but for now it’s just plain jane. Which is rather fitting, no?

    Photo credit: martha_chapa95

  • Average Jane Makes Delicious Veggie Chili

    I had some friends over for RPG board gaming yesterday and I decided to make a pot of vegetarian chili to share with everyone. I made it up as I went along and it came out really well, so I figured I'd write down the recipe in the hope of replicating it someday.

    Veggie chili with autumn squash and tempehAverage Jane's Vegetarian Chili

    1 small onion, diced
    1 green pepper, diced
    1 small butternut squash, peeled, deseeded and diced
    1 delicata squash, peeled, deseeded and diced
    1/2 pint grape tomatoes, halved
    8 oz. tempeh, diced
    1 tbsp. olive oil
    Salt and pepper to taste

    Line jelly roll pan with foil and drizzle with olive oil. Place vegetables and tempeh on pan, stir to coat with oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast at 450°F for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

    In a large pot, combine:

    1 can tomatoes with green chilies
    1 8-oz. can tomato sauce
    1 can black beans (drained and rinsed)
    1 can white kidney beans (drained and rinsed)
    1 can red beans (drained and rinsed)
    2 tbsp. chili powder
    1/2 tsp. smoked paprika
    1 tsp. garlic powder
    1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
    1 tsp. ground cumin
    1 tsp. Sriracha sauce

    When the vegetables are finished roasting, add them to the pot along with 2 or more cups of water to thin the chili. Simmer for 30 minutes or longer to combine flavors, adding more water as needed. I had mine on the stove for several hours and it worked out great for people who were hanging out and eating at different times.

    This ended up having a nice, spicy kick to it. You can cut back on the Sriracha and cayenne if you like your chili milder.

    Even the non-vegetarians seemed to enjoy this a great deal. It's definitely a keeper.

  • Average Jane Visits A Distillery

    I've become a fan of bourbon in recent years, so when a friend mentioned on Facebook that she had one spot open for a tour of a local distillery, I jumped at the chance to go along.

    The evening got off to a late start at a local Thai restaurant; three out of the four of us were delayed by terrible rush hour traffic. After I was seated, the waiter said I looked familiar and asked if I sang in a band. It turned out that several of the restaurant staff had been at a bar nearby for one of my band's gigs a month or so ago and they recognized me and even showed me a photo of my band on someone's phone. It was the first time that kind of thing has ever happened to me. Naturally I invited them to see us play at that same bar again next month.

    After a hearty Thai dinner we were off to Dark Horse Distillery, a family-owned, small batch distillery that produces bourbon, rye, white whiskey and vodka. I was surprised to find a distillery in Kansas at all considering their oppressive liquor laws. 

    The facility is about 50% distillery and 50% event space and it was already beautifully decorated for Christmas. As soon as I walked in the door, the smell of the fermenting grain was immediately apparent and quite pleasant.

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    We started the tour with a short video about the company and then got to walk around and see how they actually make their products.

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    Dark Horse produces liquor on such a small scale that their bottling equipment only handles four bottles at a time, they cork them by hand, and the master distiller signs each bottle and writes in the batch number on the label. 

    After the tour we got the chance to taste each of the four liquors. I'd already had a glass of the Reserve Bourbon Whiskey before the tour and that remained my favorite. However, the vodka was very nice with a very vanilla-like flavor that they said came from the wheat variety they use. They also had a white whiskey that would make a good tequila-like mixer for fruity drinks. 

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    I'd love to host a party there sometime. The event space is gorgeous and it's conveniently close to a major highway. If you have any interest in whiskey or vodka, I'd say sign up for a tour. Now I'm trying to decide who might enjoy a bottle as a Christmas gift…

  • An Average Jane Quarterly Staff Review: Dr. Jones

    Dear Dr. Jones.

    Dr. JonesI'd like to start on a positive note by praising the mentoring role you've assumed in relation to Toby. This the kind of commitment to diversity we like to see. Although it's clear that there are some cross-species communications barriers between you, we appreciate the fact that you have embraced him wholeheartedly, unlike some of your colleagues.

    Unfortunately, some of your other behaviors of late are of concern.

    First, there's the television. I know it's fascinating when a football moves across the screen, but I'm sure you've figured out by now that there's no chance you will ever catch the football. If you check your handbook you'll see it clearly states that touching the TV screen is never acceptable. Speaking of which, we can't help noticing that the entire television keeps ending up tilted downward in a most suspicious manner considering that it is firmly affixed to its stand. It seems almost as though an 18-pound cat keeps trying to climb on top. I'm not accusing you of anything but again, it is not okay to touch the TV.

    On to the matter of food. Per your contract, you are provided with numerous premium quality meals every day at no charge. However, you have frequently been observed eating your colleagues' food. First of all, you are all given the same food at the same times throughout the day. Secondly, in addition to the regular food, you and you alone are given a special food that only you like. Why then would you feel the need to supplement your diet by taking food away from your cohorts? Please cease this rude, unfair and obesity-inducing behavior at once.*

    Then there's your attitude toward certain of your co-workers. As mentioned before, your relationship with Toby is quite praiseworthy, as is your partnership with Trillian (a.k.a. Tiny). The fact that you and Trillian both deliberately aggravate Xena is where it all goes wrong. I'm aware that Xena is not as friendly as she might be, but she has her own role here and it is not helpful to pounce on her unexpectly when she's going about her own business. Rule of thumb: if someone is growling and hissing at you, stop what you're doing.

    This also applies to your unhealthy fascination with Kaylee. I know she seems interesting and exotic because she works in our satellite office, but that is no excuse to sneak into the studio to stare at her and make her uncomfortable. You've been through the HR training, so I shouldn't need to clarify how inappropriate this behavior is.

    Just to end on a high note, you get a solid B+ from all members of management for your superior lap-sitting qualities. All it would take to get you into the A range would be losing a couple of pounds to take some pressure off our knees.

    Thanks for your time and consideration. I look forward to working with you to remedy these concerns and I will feel as though we have made progress if no one refers to you as an asshole within the next quarter. 

    *It has come to our attention that you are not the food stealing culprit after all. In fact, it is Velvet, who will be appropriately reprimanded in her next review. Our apologizes for the false accusation.

  • 10 Things You Don’t Know About Average Jane

    10I let myself get tagged for this meme on Facebook by Carl Bettis and I figured, why not make it into a blog post while I"m at it?

    I'm going to try to keep this list to things that I've never mentioned on the blog before, so it's going to be even more mundane than my usual fare, I predict. Here we go:

    1. I can't stand to look at pictures of decorated fingernails (that's my top unfollowed thing on Pinterest), yet I always keep my toenails painted.
    2. Home decor and home improvement projects are among my favorite things to plan. If I could afford it, I'd have my house razed and rebuilt from scratch.
    3. Given the time and an open agenda, I would happily do nothing but read book after book, all day long and into the night.
    4. Objectively, I know I plan and do an awful lot of stuff every day. However, I still feel like I'm fundamentally lazy.
    5. My next big life goal is more food and energy self-sufficiency. I'm going to start with stepping up my gardening next year and I hope to eventually work my way up to solar panels someday.
    6. I have absolutely no interest in posing for a "pinup" photo. A lot of my friends have had them done and they look amazing, but I just feel like they're not for me. This is despite the fact that I get photographed a lot in the context of my band.
    7. Another thing I don't envision myself ever doing: running a marathon. Someday I'll work my way up to running an entire 5K instead of alternating running and walking. That's probably as far as my running ambitions will ever go. However, if you're running a marathon for charity, I'll be happy to donate.
    8. What's the secret to life, the universe and everything? For me it's yoga. There's nothing like it to tune up my brain and make me feel strong and pain-free. Yet my practice consistency is abysmal and I have a terrible time maintaining routine class attendance. Talk about self sabotage.
    9. Seeing my niece performing in plays over the last couple of years has made me ponder the idea of auditioning for community theater myself. However, although I'd be fine with any singing that needed to be done, I'm pretty sure that my inability to convincingly deliver a line of dialogue combined with my innate lack of dancing ability would swiftly put paid to that idea.
    10. Despite my long history of enjoying the hair metal of my youth, I have decided that I'm tired of Mötley Crüe and would be fine never hearing any of their songs again.

    Photo credit: macca

  • Average Jane Starts Her Holiday Shopping

    I know. I'm surprised, too. Usually I cram in all my shopping in December—not on Christmas Eve like a guy, but close enough to the mark that I sometimes buy too much because I'm slightly panicked.

    This year I started picking up things here and there in my travels and in addition to my regular Amazon orders. I need to drop off gifts for three needy kids at my Soroptimist meeting tomorrow, so that spurred me to action as well.

    That brings me to wrapping paper. I got a pitch email from a company called Minted a couple of weeks ago. They're an online stationery store that features the work of independent artists and offers a lot of customization for their truly lovely paper products, including holiday photo cards and my favorite, wrapping paper.

    I happen to have some nice black and white photos of my husband and me taken earlier this year as part of the Roadway Studio Project, so I'm excited about getting some of them incorporated into a gift wrap design. Here's a look at what I've put together so far. The dotted lines show the areas where I've customized.

    Wrappingpaper

    I've included some pet photos as well because…it's me. I'm also considering getting the recipe design customized with one of my cookie recipes.

    For the last several years we haven't exchanged gifts in my family except to get presents for the kids. This year my aunt urged us to go back to a more traditional holiday celebration, so that gives me about a dozen people to shop for if you include a couple of friends with whom I generally exchange gifts. It's actually kind of fun, but I can guarantee you won't see me out on Thanksgiving or Black Friday.

    Disclosure: In exchange for the mentions of Minted and links to the site, I have been offered store credit.