Average Jane’s Advice for Sports Fans

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Dear Sports Fan(atics),

As yesterday’s loss should have demonstrated, your contributions to the game, however impassioned, really make no significant difference. You can shout advice to the players, harangue the officials, shout expletives to the heavens without regard for the proximity of children, and still the game may not go your way.

Furthermore, despite your insistent advice, I want you to know that my friends and I feel no compulsion to join you in shouting, beating on the chairs, etc. This is especially true when we are all being roasted alive in the direct sunlight and obviously wilting like neglected houseplants.

I’m sure you believe that if the three of us had only done a little yelling, sprung to our feet every time you did, and stayed beyond the middle of the game, the outcome might have been different. I maintain that your theory is based on more mistaken assumptions than I have the time or energy to counter.

Your erstwhile seatmate,

Jane

Comments

5 responses to “Average Jane’s Advice for Sports Fans”

September 27, 2004

Joolie

Rabid sports fans are just so weird. I think they’re more interesting than the game, in an anthropological train wreck sort of way.

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September 27, 2004

mojokittycat

Amen.

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September 27, 2004

Jack

A.J.
If you had only gone to see Sky Captain like I did you wouldn’t have had those problems as everyone in the theater was well behaved. BTW with the new “do” can we expect a new “picture” of you?
Jack the blogger

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September 28, 2004

Jane

Ugh, the hair appointment is a whole other story. No, the cartoon Jane will remain in her circa-1994 hairstyle forever.
And although I didn’t see “Sky Captain” yet, I DID see “Garden State,” and it was very good. “Sky Captain” will have to wait until I get paid on Friday.

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September 28, 2004

Suzanne

Hey now. We’re not all weird. I’m a well-behaved sports fanatic. I whisper the expletives under my breath. Usually.

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