Average Jane’s Message to E-mail Advertisers

Dear Toys-R-Us,

Thanks for reminding me every single day that I can still get gifts from you before Christmas. I hate to hold a grudge, but I just can’t get past that Christmas in 1998 – you know, during the height of the first dotcom boom, when I ordered a whole bunch of gifts from you and they never arrived. Yes, you gave me $100 in gift certificates, which was the right thing to do. But you know what they say: once bitten, twice shy.

Sincerely,

Average Jane

Dear World Market,

You’re a shining example of why online and offline retailing need some database convergence. Your daily e-mails hint at some desperation at my failure to buy from you this holiday season. However, I actually dropped a significant amount of money at one of your retail stores a couple of weeks ago. Thanks for checking in, though!

Your customer,

Average Jane

Dear Amazon,

I know you’re perfectly well aware of how much I’ve spent with you this holiday season. Yet the e-mails continue daily, even though we both know it’s too late for me to order anything else and get it on time. C’mon, don’t be greedy. You don’t want to end up like VistaPrint, from whose e-mail list I finally unsubscribed because they had no boundaries whatsoever. Just a friendly warning.

Yours truly,

Average Jane