Dear Ms. Velvet,
Since the unfortunate demise of your colleague, Ms. Velcro, you have been promoted to the position of my primary downstairs cat companion, a.k.a. #2 Downstairs Cat or VP. It was my understanding that you had been eagerly awaiting this opportunity, but there are some associated job duties upon which I feel you need to concentrate more effort.
Your primary duty in this role is to sit on my lap whenever I am seated on a couch for more than, say, 5 minutes. Purring is much appreciated as well, but not mandatory. However, licking is strongly discouraged.
Of late, I have noticed your tendency to leave my lap for extended periods of time in favor of lying on your cardboard scratchy thing. You are welcome to take brief breaks to enjoy any of your toys or play with your colleague, Ms. Xena, but please keep your lap duties in mind and adjust your playtime accordingly when I am around.
Don't forget that there is a pair of eager young interns in our Studio Department. If you are unable or unwilling to fully embrace your position, there remains the possibility of transferring Ms. Trillian and Dr. Jones to your department. At that time, either or both of them may permanently assume most or all of your lap privileges.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Average Jane
Leave a Reply to Kari Quaas Cancel reply